You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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