Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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