God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
