Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
