Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
