She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
