For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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