I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
