youre lurking in front of me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then my night got REAL pukey
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
