If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
