So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
