we have officially lost it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
