Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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