The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
