we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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