So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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