i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
