No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
