if you like me you must not know who I am
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
