I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
