I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
