and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
