The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
