Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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