stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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