oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
