she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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