We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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