i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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