what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
handjob tips. give me some.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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