Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
smell my finger.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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