You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
