hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
