He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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