I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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