lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
