One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
