and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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