I wish I could punch you in the face.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
