My Higher Power is John Stamos
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
