dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
