8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
