nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
