We're facebook friends in real life
You just made me feel so damn special
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
