porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
