At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
