the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
