You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
