He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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