we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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