I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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