i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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