I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
