Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
