Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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