I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
