ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
