wakey wakey hands off snakey
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
