I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
