your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
