im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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