So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
