if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
