Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
