I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am available for nakedness
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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