Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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