i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
