I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
