I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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