If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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