I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i dont even know how to be here
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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