last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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