Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
