so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
