I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
